3.2

The cult of Chuck Norris is absurd amazing (psst — don’t make fun of it or Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in the face). But there is nothing absurd nor amazing about the Chuck Norris beard.

First, it’s too short. Some days it just looks like a 5 o’clock shadow — way too short to be hiding another fist. And for all the man’s infinite fury, the beard is confined to tidy boundaries that contradicts the true nature of a Texan. And style-wise, it begs to be on the opposite end of a Camero-driving, 1980s-obsessed, tank-top-wearing, self-involved stud’s ponytail. Ew.

What it lacks in just about everything, the Chuck Norris beard does make up for (slightly) in humor (see: Mike Huckabee campaign’s greatest moment).

Your beard is your greatest sidekick. Happy International Day of Awesomeness.